My Life with Social Anxiety/Social Phobia

For a long time, I never heard of the term social anxiety, although I have lived my entire life struggling with it. As a child, I started to avoid certain situations that seemed to make me feel uncomfortable. Some things included being called on in class or introducing yourself to everyone like many teachers will have you do at the beginning of a school year. I can vividly remember getting an assignment in the 6th grade that was something I couldn't bring myself to do. I was supposed to give a speech on how to do something, it could be on anything. I just could not get up and talk in front of class. Now, because I had gotten involved in choir and singing nobody seemed to notice that I was honestly terrified to give a presentation in front of class. I had already started to compete in solo singing competitions so my teacher didn't believe that I could get up and sing in front of the entire school but I couldn't seem to get up and talk to my class for less than 3 minutes. Well, years later I still can't tell you the answer. The only thing I can tell you is that if you have a child and you see that they are having a problem with something that seems so simple don't just let it go thinking your child is somehow being rebellious, because that was not the case for me at all.

When you have social anxiety it doesn't make sense to others and a lot of times even to yourself. It's not a made up thing. It's not something simple that's being blown out of proportion either. There are people who have experiences with social anxiety that think if they could get over it then so can you. There are so many factors to the severity of social anxiety that make that statement false. Think of it this way, there have been times in your life that have made you a little anxious like waiting on a test result or maybe a little more extreme like turning around and your child isn't standing beside you in the store so you feel a rush of panic. This is what social anxiety can feel like every single day for some of us. People need to realize that just because you can't make sense of something doesn't mean it isn't a very real thing that happens to others.

Every year of my life certain things became more difficult for me. This doesn't mean that someone will completely shut down in every part of their lives, if it did I wouldn't have to write this article because I would have gotten help a long time ago and I think you would notice if someone just happened to not be able to function overnight. That's not how social anxiety is at all. I had close friends. Sometimes I was loud, or talked too much and even had fun, but the problem I had was and is still there. People live under this assumption that "well, I saw you the other day and you seemed okay, so I couldn't tell anything was wrong." Of course you can't tell something is wrong. Someone who has social anxiety is not very likely to tell you unless they have struggled with it for years. At some point in life when it feels like it is taking over you will probably talk to someone and if they don't get it they will more than likely give you some terrible advice that doesn't help at all. This only causes frustration. How could you possibly tell me advice on something when you can't begin to understand it? These are things that I want people like me to see. I want them to read about the frustrations and the things people will say if they do reach out because there are other people like you if you have social anxiety. The best people to talk to when you want someone who understands are other people that deal with this every day. I'm not in any way saying don't seek professional help but that's not always enough. A Dr. can prescribe you medications that may or may not work. They can also check off a list of "textbook" symptoms they have studied about, but that Dr won't be able to say, "Yeah, I understand what you are going through" and even though that may sound like something trivial it's not. Sometimes we all need to vent. What's the point of venting when it feels like you are speaking a foreign language and the person you are talking to doesn't get it? It's not helpful. There are people out there who will get it. One amazing thing that the internet has brought us is the ability to talk to people we would otherwise have never met. Maybe all of this is boring to you if you don't get it but try to keep in mind that by listening to someone's story you could have the opportunity to at least point someone in the right direction to help them find someone who does understand.

I started getting treatment almost 11 years ago. For 11 years I have tried new medications that alter the chemicals in your brain and make you go through a lot of other things. Some medications will make you sleep nonstop, some will make you walk the floor crying, some won't feel like they are doing anything at all and if you are lucky one of them may just help you. There are people who benefit from medications. There are people who self medicate and that is what many people with social anxiety will turn to first. Why? Well, in my own experience, I thought to myself "How do I tell someone that people freak me out?" or "How do I explain to someone that I can't make myself function like everyone else?" Those are thoughts that will go through your mind. There are even times that like my experience in the 6th grade I mentioned above, you will be afraid that people just won't believe you because you've been doubted in the past. People don't know that they have made you feel like a liar and in all fairness it's not their fault because they don't understand. I look at all of these pages on the internet and they tell you what I refer to as "textbook" symptoms because that's all they know to say! Talk to somebody who gets you.

Over the past few years, my social anxiety has gotten to the point where I feel like I can't even attempt holding a job. Now, there are people who will say someone is enabling me and yeah to a certain extent that is true but let me also add that since I've been 18 I've worked about every type of job you can imagine as far as general jobs go. I've also went to the ER with kidney infections 4 times in one semester of college because stress makes me physically ill sometimes as it can with anyone. I've had five and a half years of college and there are some classes that didn't bother me and some did. Does that make sense? No, but I can't help what makes sense I can only tell you about how social anxiety has effected my life. Nothing is rational about it. I mean why would anybody be nervous around people? They aren't going to kill me but I can't explain why I still can't be in certain situations. This isn't an article for you to look at signs, this is for people who read this and see that there is somebody who feels the way they do. This is also for people to read with an open mind and just maybe has a chance to help someone who feels like there is nothing to hold onto anymore. If you wanna look up what a book can tell you about social anxiety go to one of the many pages on the web. This is my personal story and feelings. It's also feelings that many people who suffer from social anxiety are likely to experience.

There are support groups online. You can google social anxiety support groups and you will find one. I think this has been more helpful than most things for me. It does help to talk but if you talk to somebody with no knowledge it's only going to frustrate you and make you never want to talk again. Every time I try to explain myself I feel like I'm being badgered on a witness stand. I don't have to prove myself to anyone and if you have social anxiety you shouldn't have to either. People can accept you or not be apart of your life.

I welcome people who read this and have questions to write me. If you need to know there's somebody out there with these feelings here I am. I'm not going to hide who I am. I'm not going to make excuses because that's only lying to myself and everybody else. Did writing this make me feel anxious? It absolutely did but I wish there would've been one person when I was younger who would've noticed that something wasn't right. I don't blame anyone. All I can do is take a day at a time and recognize the steps forward that I've taken in my own life. You can get better and sometimes revert back to being worse than before but the point is you are doing it. It's not easy to live with. There have been times when I felt suicidal. For me, I personally believe in God and although when I was younger it was so bad that I would pray to die in my sleep I didn't do it because I didn't want to go to hell. Even if you don't believe in God that's not the answer.

There is one more thing I would like to address and that's talking to people who have children if you don't have kids. Everybody you talk to will say "It would be harder with kids" and I would love to know what's the point of saying that? I'm aware that it's hard for people with kids but that's not what I need to hear. Some of you could take a step back from your own life and look at the fact that everything isn't about you and you don't have to push that in somebody's face. Numerous people have said that but this is what I want all of you to know. I may never be able to have kids. I may not experience the hard parts of having kids but I also don't get any of the positive things either. Maybe I would like a family too. Maybe if people knew what they sounded like on the other side of the conversation they wouldn't say things like that in the first place. Yeah you may be trying to make me aware that if I had kids it would be harder but I'm sorry I feel like that's a given. I don't think anyone needs to actually say it to me so I'll fathom the idea. Most people who suffer from any type of mental illness are actually intelligent and many times we are above average so you don't have to spell things out to us because we have something that you can't understand. Maybe this sounds harsh but if you wanna help someone please remember that. Social Anxiety is not like a learning disability! We don't want to hear "Just don't worry about it.", "Relax", or any other things that you may think helps someone to hear but in all reality it just makes us angry. If this gave you a little insight to what things can feel like for someone with Social Anxiety then I'm glad. If you didn't get information that you wanted try another page. This is some of my feelings and if it reaches one person then that's made it worth writing.

I just wanted to add to this hub to let others know that I have been working on this issue with each new day. I've been off my medications with the exception of a low dose of klonopin for quite a while now and trying to face more every day. As of now, I can visit with friends and even strangers and not feel nervous. I can do things like going to dinner without feeling physically ill from irrational fears. I have yet to conquer working again, but that is on my list and I just felt that it would be good to post something positive that people can read. I have been on online support groups and it seemed to have mostly negative things and not many positive stories which was one reason why I wrote this article. At the time I wrote it, I was having more difficulties than the usual so I thought to update with some positive info would be encouraging to others. I know for me, I live to see and talk to someone else who has made progress which is what I feel like I've made so much of in the past 6-8 months.

I take a healthy dose of vitamins. Typically, with all that I've read about Social Anxiety and other issues like Bipolar etc. most of the people with these issues have some type of vitamin deficiency. I've read many studies on several vitamins and I even have a friend who has schizophrenia and has been off all meds and only on vitamins (under a Dr's care and supervision) and he's been doing great for a few years now. He doesn't know how much of an inspiration he is to me...

Sometimes, everything can seem so depressing and like you have no hope left and we all have times that our emotions fluctuate just like anyone else would, but you can make progress and I thank those of you who have openly talked on this hub even if it was to say you experience social anxiety. You may think it was nothing but it is a big deal when you can say it without feeling so ashamed of it.

If you have any stories or comments please feel free to post them and if you would like one of your experiences that may be encouraging to others posted on this page please let me know. It helps when there are others who understand what you are feeling and nobody can ever truly understand just how big the smallest obstacles we overcome mean to us unless they have been through the same issues themselves. Thank you for reading and I hope what little bit of encouragement I can provide will help somebody feel like they can feel better and get out and do more too. It is difficult and I have to slowly force myself into some situations that make me uncomfortable, I also have to make sure I don't become a hermit! lol I spent almost 3 yrs of my life in my apartment most of the time, but even if you get out to do one thing each day it really does help. I've seen people write articles on social anxiety who don't have it and that has always kinda made me a little angry, but I hope that the people who read mine know that they can not only comment but send me messages on here as well. This has been the whole point in writing this article is to be real and leave the parts that I've written while I was frustrated because that is real life and that is what I truly felt. Thanks again for reading and again, if you have nobody who understands feel free to write me because I will listen. =)

Cheers, to making each day better! ~